{"id":1194,"date":"2020-03-17T08:57:59","date_gmt":"2020-03-17T15:57:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/?p=1194"},"modified":"2020-03-17T08:57:59","modified_gmt":"2020-03-17T15:57:59","slug":"collected-essays-1997","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/?p=1194","title":{"rendered":"Collected Essays (1997)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A little while ago, my dad unearthed some of my early “work” while clearing out the garage. Included among various sticker-based arts was this small folio of collected essays from 1997. In 1997 I finished the fifth grade and turned 11 years old. I think my teacher had us write regular essays (weekly?) and then we bound up the best at the end of the year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Presented here for your quarantine-reading pleasure are selected essays from my 1997 collection. You will note my life-long commitment to self-confidence, general unwillingness to give a fuck about what people think I should be doing, and complete fearlessness when it comes to telling people they’re being dumb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"green
I provided my own cover art.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The first essay is “The hardest things about being a kid.” Mostly, this proves how not-at-all hard my life was, or perhaps that it was hard in ways I was unable to articulate at the time. I don’t know what my sister was doing that was making me so mad (probably just being a seven-year-old), but we’re over it now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

  • \"Handwritten
    so hard<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/li>
  • \"an
    My struggle was all too real<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/li>
  • \"page
    “Its okay I guess”<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/li><\/ul><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

    Next are some thoughts on my “plans and dreams” for the future. I was clearly very fixated on getting married and having babies (thanks, Mormon propaganda), but luckily I was able to shake that with age. I guess my life was supposed to end after having kids though? I’m going to assume that my fifth-grade self would be way more impressed with how I actually turned out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    • \"an
      extreme yikes to this essay<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/li><\/ul><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

      What will I remember about fifth grade? Apparently, how much I hated it all. Yes, I do appreciate the irony of not wanting to write essays week after week and becoming a professional technical writer. \u00af\\_(\u30c4)_\/\u00af <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \"An
      Forever meta.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

      Finally, we have my self-assessment of my performance in fifth grade. I am a master of all that I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      • \"an
        I rate myself mastery<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/li>
      • \"the
        Short answer: I am great<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/li><\/ul><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

        Thank you for sharing a laugh with me on this. I hope it gives you a chuckle during this time of social isolation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        A little while ago, my dad unearthed some of my early “work” while clearing out the garage. Included among various sticker-based arts was this small folio of collected essays from 1997. In 1997 I finished the fifth grade and turned 11 years old. I think my teacher had us write regular essays (weekly?) and then…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[44],"tags":[361,45,362,69],"class_list":["post-1194","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal-essay","tag-361","tag-essay","tag-fifth-grade","tag-inspired-by-real-life-events"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3ni6N-jg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1194","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1194"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1194\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1205,"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1194\/revisions\/1205"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1194"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1194"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitalmanticore.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1194"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}