I’m a week into my new job and the good news is there are no red flags (so far?). Everyone seems pretty normal and I get the impression they’re going to let me do my thing and not harass me. So, I’m pleased about that. By Friday I realized I was un-tensing after what has essentially been a year of job searching. I really need this job to be decent because I hate looking for jobs so much and I am exhausted by the mere thought of looking for work. It’s nice to start to feel like I can settle down and reclaim some mental and emotional energy from this whole process.
Outside of work, the last couple months I’ve been doing something possibly inadvisable and gradually stopping my anxiety medicine. I have been taking the same dose for a long time and I wanted to see if I still need it because I feel like, in many ways, my life is less anxiety-inducing than it used to be except for -gestures broadly at everything-. So, definitely don’t try this at home without medical supervision, but I am actually feeling pretty good. There could be many factors involved here but I am feeling a little more vibrant lately. Then again, it could just be that winter is over and we’re going to need to re-up that prescription come November. We shall see.
Here are some things I’ve recently read, watched, or bought.
Books and Other Words
This week I read A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske. I knew I was going to love this book because it was about gay magic boys but I really loved this book and I immediately pre-ordered the sequel. It reminded me a bit of Witchmark by C. L. Polk, but I guess historical romance with closeted magic gays is becoming a sub-genre in its own right at this point (send more gay witch novels). I can see why this is a nice thematic pairing for authors because, as in both books, magicians have to hide their magic. It’s a tidy allegory for having to closet one’s queerness and having something different that not everyone can know about. It lets us explore being queer without the pressure of our real society.
TV and Music
Last night Kirk and I watched Star Trek: Nemesis, which was the last Trek movie on my list. I have now seen all the Star Trek! There should be at least a merit badge for this accomplishment. After watching Nemesis, I realized I really fucked up by not watching it before watching Star Trek: Picard because the plot of the whole first season grows out of this movie. Whoops. I’m caught up now.
At the strong recommendation of one of my dance teachers, I also watched Chicago. Somehow I had never seen this movie but knew almost all of the songs anyway (thanks, fellow high school theater kids and probably RuPaul’s Drag Race). I thought the dance numbers were lush. The story kind of made me think of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, except Roxy is daydreaming her way out of prison into cabaret numbers rather than Walter escaping his overbearing wife.
Making Things and Doing stuff
There are some things I’ve made and stuff I’ve done.
The organization that administers the Spanish test I’m taking clearly learned something from last November because this week I received an update with the dates and times. Yes, the test is on two separate days again, but this time I got six weeks’ worth of notification. How luxurious! I still think they should label the attachment with something like “test dates,” but the only hint of important information was the all caps message, “POR FAVOR, LEA ATENTAMENTE LA COMUNICACIÓN OFICIAL DE EXAMEN!!!!” (please read the official exam communications closely). I still sort of don’t feel ready to try this test again. I was arguably ready in November, but I’d been studying so hard for so long. I just haven’t wanted to get back into the effort. The test is in about six weeks so I know I need to get my shit together, but all I want to do is chill out.
Although I am still dedicated to making tasty food and trying new recipes, I haven’t been doing the most in the kitchen lately. I am becoming reacquainted with the idea that I don’t have to do everything all the time. It’s okay to eat pre-made foods. I like knowing I can make everything but I’ve been reminding myself that I don’t have to if I don’t feel like it. Tonight I made matar paneer (Indian peas and cheese in tomato sauce) for dinner but we had naan from the store because, although I can make naan, I hate standing at the stove and grilling a bunch of individual breads. Long story short: no food photos today.
Finally, here are some cat photos for your nerves. This is how Huey looks when she’s waiting for me to follow her—I ask “what do you want?” and she leads me to whatever thing she wants (usually water). Fritz has been availing himself of the joys of boxing the mirror (great).